by Anastasia Strgar
Falling in love is so great, isn’t it? You can’t see the other person’s faults and you are merely open and engaged in their best qualities. They are funny, charming, honest, respectful and truly interested in getting to know you… You want to be a better person for them because they’re so awesome.
Unfortunately, it can’t stay this way forever. Eventually, the veil gets torn away and standing in front of you is just a regular person with both good and bad qualities. Why did you never notice before the way they leave their dirty clothes all over the floor? Why can’t they be bothered to do the dishes or why are they so insecure about their nose?
It’s okay, you’re not perfect either… But how do you keep having a relationship with someone who’s so annoying? Maybe there’s someone better out there who won’t do all those annoying things. Maybe the new person will look just like a movie star and they’ll be just as charming as those movie stars on screen. I don’t mean to burst your bubble or anything but everyone is annoying, and it’s that kind of false thinking that gets a lot of celebrities… As soon as Taylor Swift discovered that Jake Gyllenhaal was a real person, she went looking for another movie hero.
But never fear- your relationship doesn’t have to turn out like the tragedies on Us Weekly and the only way to get over it is to choose what you’re going to see.
Think about your best friend or your family… They don’t always act the way you want them to, and sure, you’re not having sex with them, but you don’t just write them off. Instead, you focus on what you love about them and then put the annoying parts to the side. It’s not like you’re not aware that they’re there, but you just choose to focus on the best parts.
Try this with your partner. Next time they do something that really annoys you, think about three things you love most about them. If you need to, come up with those three things at a low stress time so that they’re easier to pull out of your hat when he or she is really bothering you. You’ll begin to notice this multiply as other things you love about them appear. However, this does not mean that you completely ignore something that’s really bothering you- it just means that the good things about this person act as a sort of cushion so that when you do bring up something that bothers you, you do so in a way that’s not accusatory, but rather constructive.
Ultimately, it is possible to fall in love with your partner again if you focus on what there is to stay for, rather than reasons you should leave. Truthfully, you’ll never stay with anyone for very long if you expect your relationship to be like a romantic comedy. Embrace what’s worth embracing and forgive the other stuff; it’s just extra anyway.
Anastasia Strgar, a recent graduate from the University of Oregon with a B.A in journalism, has been writing about love and relationships for several years. She has written short stories and romance novels, penned the love and sex column in the school newspaper and wrote several blogs. As the eldest of founder Wendy Strgar’s four children, she has been inspired by watching her parents’ marriage and strives to put those lessons to use in her own relationship. She believes that teaching her peers early on about how to maintain healthy relationships is essential to creating a future generation of loving partnerships. She currently works as the Director of Public Relations and Magazine Editor at Good Clean Love.