The United States is one of two countries in the world that allows pharmaceutical companies to advertise directly to consumers. This fact might well explain why the total US population, which represents only 5% of the total, consumes over 42% of all of the pharmaceutical drugs sold globally. It also provides a deep insight into how more and more normal human issues become “treatable” health conditions. This phenomenon of renaming life issues into treatable conditions has impacted everything from shyness to restless legs, yet, perhaps no single topic has garnered as much research attention or funding as what has now been diagnosed as Female Sexual Dysfunction.
Archive for the 'Ask the Loveologist' Category
Vaginal atrophy is a topic we often get calls about at Good Clean Love. I remember the first time someone called with a question about this condition that I didn’t yet know had a name, or worse still, was a syndrome that remarkably impacts at least 50% of post- menopausal women. It’s prevalence is hard to track as is the impact it has on couple’s lives, because most women won’t discuss it, even with their physicians. Chronic and progressive vaginal atrophy has been referred to as “the 21st century health issue impacting women’s quality of life.” You would think the fact that millions of women and couples deal with this issue would make it a more accessible topic, or at least one that merited researching solutions.
Recently I have been having crazy sexual fantasies while making love with my partner. I don’t know if I should feel guilty or excited because when I just let them go, I get way more aroused and I can tell my partner is feeling it too. I can’t get myself to tell my partner and I wonder if this is some form of cheating on him. I am not always thinking of someone else, just other crazy scenarios. Sometimes I am shocked by my own thoughts, like where did these come from? What is your take on fantasies? Do they hurt or help a relationship?
I am confused. A lot of my peers say that you should stay single in your twenties but yet they are all preoccupied with finding “the one . How can you tell if the love relationship you are in is the one that is meant for you? Are there signs to look for? What should I keep in mind as I move through different relationships? It seems like things have changed so much but also still are the same in many ways – what do you think has changed for the better or worse since you were in your twenties?
You have good reason to be confused. Love relationships for young people are more challenging than ever, in part because so many young people have witnessed the dissolution of intimate relationships in their family at a rate which has far outpaced the majority of preceding generations. . Watching older generations go through painful separations and experiencing instability during important developmental phases while growing up can make you doubt the viability and meaning of committed relationships.
I don’t know why I get so turned on by the things I do, which are so weird I am not even going to say what they are. I have this same fantasies over and over again. In fact, I can’ t even get turned on at all when I block my mind from thinking of this fantasy. Then I just feel nothing. I am so embarrassed I would never tell my partner about it. What should I do?
Thanks for asking this important question. First thing to know is that everyone has sexual fantasies. Even people who have no consciousness about their sexuality and are completely cut off from their fantasies do in fact have them. Most of us are mystified by our sexuality and your situation is not as unusual as it seems to you. In our culture it is the norm for people to be uncomfortable with the strong sexual fantasies that drive their arousal and desire. This is why the first question people ask a sex therapist is “Am I normal?” Many people are so overwhelmed, ashamed or afraid of their erotic selves that they repress their fantasy life entirely.
Every time I get into an argument with my partner it gets ugly. It has gotten so that I don’t want to bring up anything that might start a disagreement because I don’t want to risk the abuse and old baggage that gets dragged through the mud again. It’s almost like nothing is ever forgotten, just saved up for the next argument. It is making me avoid conversation at all, and it seems that the more avoid it, the wider the wall between us. Is this what the end of a relationship looks like?
I have been married for over 10 years, but my wife and I have an increasingly hard time communicating about sex. She seems fine about it, but I am not. I always thought we would grow sexually over time, but our sex life just seems to get smaller. She has so many dislikes, like receiving oral, she says it will never happen. I just don’t understand why. Could you help me/us. I’m new to this getting help thing. You’re my first attempt.
I just started dating a new man and although I know that there aren’t really any hard and fast rules about how long you should wait to have sex, I don’t know if you can tell me any kind of signs to look for that tells me that it’s too soon or for that matter too long to wait? What kinds of precautions should you take before you open up your relationship to physical intimacy?
I have been with the same man for a couple of years and have always had some sensitivity with sex. We always use lubricant but even with that product, it still hurts sometimes when he comes in me too soon. The only thing that I know for sure is that when I have an orgasm before penetration, (which sometimes takes some time) I don’t have pain and can sometimes even have another one inside. Is this normal?
“Sexual pleasure in woman is a kind of magic spell; it demands complete abandon.” -Simone de Beauvoir
Driving my son and his friends in the car the other day from a basketball game I overheard the question that made me cringe decades ago, “ How far did you get?” said one to the other with an elbow to the ribs. I shouldn’t have let on that I was listening, but I felt obliged to tell them that they were thinking about it all wrong.