Take One for the Team
Tuesday, February 28th, 2012
I admire people that are trying to make the world better. It takes so much energy to pay attention and come to a clear understanding of the real issues and, as much opening, to come up with solutions. This is particularly true about sexual matters because we all carry around so much baggage, much of it invisible even to us.
It is surprisingly not uncommon to not know why you are behaving the way you do when you make dating and sex decisions. Sadly, this lack of clarity is not limited to our youth. Such is the inspiration for the new Dating Confidential website that is part of a research study at the University of British Columbia. It was launched by nurse & PhD candidate Cindy Masaro to better understand the behaviors and choices made by women who are older than 25 and are single, dating or in new relationships. The majority of research studies available focus on teen and college-age youth. This lack of viable data is particularly disconcerting because the incidence of STIs in women over 30 is rising fast.
The United States is one of two countries in the world that allows pharmaceutical companies to advertise directly to consumers. This fact might well explain why the total US population, which represents only 5% of the total, consumes over 42% of all of the pharmaceutical drugs sold globally. It also provides a deep insight into how more and more normal human issues become “treatable” health conditions. This phenomenon of renaming life issues into treatable conditions has impacted everything from shyness to restless legs, yet, perhaps no single topic has garnered as much research attention or funding as what has now been diagnosed as Female Sexual Dysfunction.
Vaginal atrophy is a topic we often get calls about at Good Clean Love. I remember the first time someone called with a question about this condition that I didn’t yet know had a name, or worse still, was a syndrome that remarkably impacts at least 50% of post- menopausal women. It’s prevalence is hard to track as is the impact it has on couple’s lives, because most women won’t discuss it, even with their physicians. Chronic and progressive vaginal atrophy has been referred to as “the 21st century health issue impacting women’s quality of life.” You would think the fact that millions of women and couples deal with this issue would make it a more accessible topic, or at least one that merited researching solutions.
Recently I have been having crazy sexual fantasies while making love with my partner. I don’t know if I should feel guilty or excited because when I just let them go, I get way more aroused and I can tell my partner is feeling it too. I can’t get myself to tell my partner and I wonder if this is some form of cheating on him. I am not always thinking of someone else, just other crazy scenarios. Sometimes I am shocked by my own thoughts, like where did these come from? What is your take on fantasies? Do they hurt or help a relationship?
I am confused. A lot of my peers say that you should stay single in your twenties but yet they are all preoccupied with finding “the one . How can you tell if the love relationship you are in is the one that is meant for you? Are there signs to look for? What should I keep in mind as I move through different relationships? It seems like things have changed so much but also still are the same in many ways – what do you think has changed for the better or worse since you were in your twenties? 
by Anastasia Strgar
by Elizabeth Spannuth
I don’t know why I get so turned on by the things I do, which are so weird I am not even going to say what they are. I have this same fantasies over and over again. In fact, I can’ t even get turned on at all when I block my mind from thinking of this fantasy. Then I just feel nothing. I am so embarrassed I would never tell my partner about it. What should I do?
