Our need for love and sexual intimacy is basic to being human; as basic to our well-being as our need for clean water, food, and a decent night’s sleep. We are pleased to be able to provide sound resources, support and answers for your sexual and relationship questions. Feel free to write in to daily@goodcleanlove.com to submit your own question about love, sex and intimacy. The loveologist or one of our other sexual therapist resources will write back to you as quickly as possible.

 

Check out our “Ask the Loveologist!” page for more submission guidelines. We look forward to solving your problems!

 

 

 

 

 

Recent Posts


Three Steps to Ending An Affair

August 3rd, 2012

by Dr. Tammy Nelson

 

You are still hiding the affair. In fact, as you lay in bed with your lover you think about your husband and how much it would hurt him if he knew. You don’t love this other guy, but the sex; well… the sex is great. But you love your husband and you’ve been together for so long. And the guilt kicks in. You get up, throw your clothes on, apologize and rush out the door to get home before your husband knows you’ve been gone.

Or you are sitting across from each other in the therapist’s office. You’re both hurt. She’s crying. You feel lost. Instead of wanting to leave her and end your marriage you’ve decided that the whole affair was a big mistake. But in your heart you know that the affair isn’t over. You’re not sure how to end it. And you’re scared.

How do you end the affair?

There are three steps to ending an affair and really making your marriage work. For all the great advice your friends, family and even well-meaning therapists will give you, these are the three things you need to know to move on and help your marriage survive.

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Is Oral Sex Safe?

July 26th, 2012

My teenage daughter has become sexually active recently and in a passing comment she told me that all her friends think that oral sex is the safest sex they could have and that they feel like it doesn’t even count as real sex. What are the health risks associated with oral sex and are there any precautions short of “just say no” that can make a difference?

It is true that many teenagers consider oral sex “safe sex” and not the real thing.  A recent survey of more than 12,000 teens aged 15-17, one third of both male and female respondents reported both giving and receiving oral sex.  By the age of 18-20 the percentages jump to 2/3.  Another recent study published in the Journal of Pediatric Psychology surveyed a group of 10th graders about their thoughts and perceptions on sex.  The survey found teenagers were having oral sex more often than intercourse and with many more partners. The majority of the teens surveyed said they did not use condoms during oral sex.

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Considering Sexual Freedom

July 12th, 2012

Total sexual freedom – the idea that we can love and be loved in ways that don’t fit neatly in a normative box – is different from indiscriminate sex.

From the outside looking in, this might be confused with promiscuity. What’s the difference? I believe promiscuity feeds into and manifests fears, limitations and restrictions. Sexual freedom is about courage.

First of all, fear is a great teacher. And what we fear most about love and sexuality (or anything in life for that matter) is where we have opportunities for growth. Fear that isn’t dealt with can wreck havoc on love of self and love of other. It also interferes with our ability to be conscious in our ‘love – making’ decisions.

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Four Ways to Increase the Love

May 11th, 2012

I have been married for a few years and I increasingly feel a distance between me and my husband.   I grew up with divorced parents and really don’t want my marriage to end like that but I have no idea what to do to improve things.   I don’t want to lose him, but every time I try to talk to him about my feelings, he tells me things like I am overreacting and there is nothing wrong.   Do you have any ideas that I could use to strengthen my connection to my partner?

This is an important question and one that often doesn’t get asked until many couples reach a point of no return.  Statistically we have on of the highest fail rates at relationships in the world.   About half of first marriages fail in the U.S., as do two thirds of second marriages and three quarters of third marriages. We fail in large part because we enter into relationships with poor skills for maintaining them and highly unrealistic expectations.  The initial biological attraction that initiates most relationships is not a solid foundation to build a long term committed partnership.  Rather than learning about the significant qualities of the other, biological and sexual attraction can blind us to who we partner with.

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Take One for the Team

February 28th, 2012

I admire people that are trying to make the world better.  It takes so much energy to pay attention and come to a clear understanding of the real issues and, as much opening, to come up with solutions. This is particularly true about sexual matters because we all carry around so much baggage, much of it invisible even to us.

It is surprisingly not uncommon to not know why you are behaving the way you do when you make dating and sex decisions.  Sadly, this lack of clarity is not limited to our youth. Such is the inspiration for the new Dating Confidential website that is part of a research study at the University of British Columbia.  It was launched by nurse & PhD candidate Cindy Masaro to better understand the behaviors and choices made by women who are older than 25 and are single, dating or in new relationships. The majority of research studies available focus on teen and college-age youth.  This lack of viable data is particularly disconcerting because the incidence of STIs in women over 30 is rising fast.

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Orgasm Inc: A Must See

February 1st, 2012

The United States is one of two countries in the world that allows pharmaceutical companies to advertise directly to consumers. This fact might well explain why the total US population, which represents only 5% of the total, consumes over 42% of all of the pharmaceutical drugs sold globally. It also provides a deep insight into how more and more normal human issues become “treatable” health conditions. This phenomenon of renaming life issues into treatable conditions has impacted everything from shyness to restless legs, yet, perhaps no single topic has garnered as much research attention or funding as what has now been diagnosed as Female Sexual Dysfunction.

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Going Green for Valentine’s Day

January 30th, 2012

Greenprophet

by Tinamarie Bernard

 

Get your green vibe on with adult toys that are safe, pleasurable and eco-aware.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, now is the time to educate yourself about what makes a pleasure aid green before you surprise your beloved with that extra-special something. From the ins and outs of vaginal lubrication to designing a vibrator of Amazonian proportions, many manufacturers are now offering uncompromising pleasure with the wellbeing of your health and the planet in mind. When it comes to sex toys specifically, things get a bit trickier. In part that’s because social morays in the Middle East are more conservative and what is Halal for some isn’t the same for others.

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Curing Vaginal Atrophy Begins in the Mind

January 24th, 2012

Vaginal atrophy is a topic we often get calls about at Good Clean Love. I remember the first time someone called with a question about this condition that I didn’t yet know had a name, or worse still, was a syndrome that remarkably impacts at least 50% of post- menopausal women.  It’s prevalence is hard to track as is the impact it has on couple’s lives, because most women won’t discuss it, even with their physicians. Chronic and progressive vaginal atrophy has been referred to as  “the 21st century health issue impacting women’s quality of life.” You would think the fact that millions of women and couples deal with this issue would make it a more accessible topic, or at least one that merited researching solutions.

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Healthy Sexual Fantasies

December 30th, 2011

Recently I have been having crazy sexual fantasies while making love with my partner.  I don’t know if I should feel guilty or excited because when I just let them go, I get way more aroused and I can tell my partner is feeling it too.   I can’t get myself to tell my partner and I wonder if this is some form of cheating on him.   I am not always thinking of someone else, just other crazy scenarios.  Sometimes I am shocked by my own thoughts, like where did these come from?  What is your take on fantasies?  Do they hurt or help a relationship?

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Finding Love Begins Early

December 16th, 2011

I am confused.  A lot of my peers say that you should stay single in your twenties but yet they are all preoccupied with finding “the one .  How can you tell if the love relationship you are in is the one that is meant for you?   Are there signs to look for?   What should I keep in mind as I move through different relationships?   It seems like things have changed so much but also still are the same in many ways – what do you think has changed for the better or worse since you were in your twenties? 

 

You have good reason to be confused.  Love relationships for young people are more challenging than ever, in part because so many young people have witnessed the dissolution of  intimate relationships in their family at a rate which has far outpaced the majority of preceding generations. .  Watching older generations go through painful separations and experiencing instability during important developmental phases while growing up can make you doubt the viability and meaning  of committed relationships.

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