by Anastasia Strgar

I wouldn’t say I was surprised when I discovered Kim Kardashian’s divorce the other day, but I will say I was a little disgusted. Any respect that I had for her previously (which was very little, mind you) disappeared in a pouf when I read her statement about the divorce, which said something along the lines of expecting a fairytale… Although we’d all love to be Cinderella, the truth is that fairy tales are fairy tales for a reason- note the word “tale.”

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

As anyone who has dated someone for more than a year knows, you invariably start getting some version of the question “Are you guys going to get married?” My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years, living together for 2 of those, so we get this question periodically. My usual response is, “No, we’ve both done that before.” The funniest variation of this so far has been when my step-Dad very cautiously asked, “Is there a ring involved in your relationship?” I replied, “No, but there is a home theater system…” (He can’t fathom the depths of our combined nerdiness, so he couldn’t appreciate my response…)

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I don’t know why I get so turned on by the things I do, which are so weird I am not even going to say what they are.  I have this same fantasies over and over again.  In fact, I can’ t even get turned on at all when I block my mind from thinking of this fantasy.  Then I just feel nothing.   I am so embarrassed I would never tell my partner about it.   What should I do?

Thanks for asking this important question. First thing to know is that everyone has sexual fantasies. Even people who have no consciousness about their sexuality and are completely cut off from their fantasies do in fact have them.  Most of us are mystified by our sexuality and your situation is not as unusual as it seems to you.  In our culture it is the norm for people to be uncomfortable with the strong sexual fantasies that drive their arousal and desire. This is why the first question people ask a sex therapist is “Am I normal?”  Many people are so overwhelmed, ashamed or afraid of their erotic selves that they repress their fantasy life entirely.

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This year, Good Clean Love would like to announce their first annual “Disguises of Love” Costume Contest! This Halloween, send us your photos of you or you and your sweetheart in your most creative costume. The winner will receive a 4oz bottle of Indian Spice love oil to keep those nights spicy and warm all winter long. Send your photos to ana@goodcleanlove.com by November 7th and we’ll announce the winner and their photo soon after!

Good Luck!

by Anastasia Strgar

Over the weekend I attended a seminar about how to revolutionize education in American schools.  In this seminar, the speakers discussed the institutionalized nature of the American school system- how the average new  teacher quits after 5 years, even sooner if working in inner city schools surrounded by children who know the names of different types of pot or guns before they know how to read.

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By Dr Tammy Nelson

Many couples have trouble finding the energy to keep up an exciting sex life.  Stress, exhaustion, kids, boredom – they can all lead to lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom.  One way to recharge your love life is to make a date for sex.  Carve out a time for sex in your schedule and put it on your calendar.  Make it the same day or night every week. Does that sound spontaneous? Not really.  But you can be as spontaneous as you want – if you plan it.

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Every time I get into an argument with my partner it gets ugly.   It has gotten so that I don’t want to bring up anything that might start a disagreement because I don’t want to risk the abuse and old baggage that gets dragged through the mud again.  It’s almost like nothing is ever forgotten, just saved up for the next argument. It is making me avoid conversation at all, and it seems that the more avoid it, the wider the wall between us.  Is this what the end of a relationship looks like?

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by Tina Tessina

Learning to be patient and remain calm reduces and relieves stress and worry. Cultivating patience is really learning impulse control– it’s an issue in self control. You can learn how to do “emotional maintenance” and shake off stress, keep on track of what you want to do, and let go of frustration when something is getting to you.  Patience is learning how to wait until you’ve thought before acting and made sure you understand the options and take control of your own ideas and decisions.  It’s a growth process, a transformation of self through awareness and learning.
To acquire patience, learn not to act on impulse, but change your thinking and attitude, and reach out for support and encouragement.  To learn the necessary patience and determination that enhances your communication, these seven steps will help.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

My step-dad has always been a bit loopy. When I was growing up he was moody and prone to episodes of what I now recognize as depression. Strangely, as he has aged, he has fallen out of that pattern. Sometimes it seems as though he is a completely different person, so much so that occasionally I find myself asking “who is this supportive and positive person?”

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I have been married  for over 10 years,  but my wife and I have an increasingly hard time communicating about sex.  She seems fine about it, but I am not.  I always thought we would grow sexually over time, but  our sex life just seems to get smaller. She has so many dislikes, like receiving oral, she says it will never happen.  I just don’t understand why.  Could you help me/us. I’m new to this getting help thing. You’re my first attempt.

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