by Duncan Roy

The Fix Magazine

Gay men find it impossible to stay sober. They relapse again and again. The reason is clear: sex. Sexual addiction. I am not suggesting that all gay men who claim that they are alcoholic are in fact sex addicts but most gay men who can’t stay sober cite sex as the primary reason for relapse.

The simple fact of the matter is that most of the time, readily available anonymous hook ups quickly take the place of alcohol and drugs. When a sober man walks into the apartment of a super hot man doing crystal meth, sobriety is quickly flushed down the toilet along with HIV status.

I hear the story over and over again. Yet, as a community, we think we can get away with this risky behavior. It is an arrogant vanity.

Gay AA is a sad affair. I go periodically—mostly when I flee the super charged straight stag meetings because I find the straight, young newcomers too triggering.

While many straight sober people create a new life with AA that involves abandoning bars and other locations that might lead to relapse, gay sober men often want a sober version of the life they had before, complete with dance parties, bars and gogo boys. Any reason to have a party will do—including the absurd “three-month anniversary.” Or, as one galling invitation I received said, “Help Joe S. celebrate his one-month anniversary.”

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by Dr. Tammy Nelson

You are still hiding the affair. In fact, as you lay in bed with your lover you think about your husband and how much it would hurt him if he knew. You don’t love this other guy, but the sex; well… the sex is great. But you love your husband and you’ve been together for so long. And the guilt kicks in. You get up, throw your clothes on, apologize and rush out the door to get home before your husband knows you’ve been gone.

Or you are sitting across from each other in the therapist’s office. You’re both hurt. She’s crying. You feel lost. Instead of wanting to leave her and end your marriage you’ve decided that the whole affair was a big mistake. But in your heart you know that the affair isn’t over. You’re not sure how to end it. And you’re scared.

How do you end the affair?

There are three steps to ending an affair and really making your marriage work. For all the great advice your friends, family and even well-meaning therapists will give you, these are the three things you need to know to move on and help your marriage survive.

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Total sexual freedom – the idea that we can love and be loved in ways that don’t fit neatly in a normative box – is different from indiscriminate sex.

From the outside looking in, this might be confused with promiscuity. What’s the difference? I believe promiscuity feeds into and manifests fears, limitations and restrictions. Sexual freedom is about courage.

First of all, fear is a great teacher. And what we fear most about love and sexuality (or anything in life for that matter) is where we have opportunities for growth. Fear that isn’t dealt with can wreck havoc on love of self and love of other. It also interferes with our ability to be conscious in our ‘love – making’ decisions.

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Greenprophet

by Tinamarie Bernard

Get your green vibe on with adult toys that are safe, pleasurable and eco-aware.

With Valentine’s Day around the corner, now is the time to educate yourself about what makes a pleasure aid green before you surprise your beloved with that extra-special something. From the ins and outs of vaginal lubrication to designing a vibrator of Amazonian proportions, many manufacturers are now offering uncompromising pleasure with the wellbeing of your health and the planet in mind. When it comes to sex toys specifically, things get a bit trickier. In part that’s because social morays in the Middle East are more conservative and what is Halal for some isn’t the same for others.

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by Anastasia Strgar

I think Britney Spears said it best when she said “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” At 23, I’m a bit loth to call myself either a girl or a woman, because I don’t quite feel like either. Thus, as I’m training in the archaic fashions of ladylike behavior, I deign to consider myself a lady. However, all this talk about appropriate titles of my current role in human development, have gotten me thinking about what defines  being an adult?
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by Anastasia Strgar

I wouldn’t say I was surprised when I discovered Kim Kardashian’s divorce the other day, but I will say I was a little disgusted. Any respect that I had for her previously (which was very little, mind you) disappeared in a pouf when I read her statement about the divorce, which said something along the lines of expecting a fairytale… Although we’d all love to be Cinderella, the truth is that fairy tales are fairy tales for a reason- note the word “tale.”

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

As anyone who has dated someone for more than a year knows, you invariably start getting some version of the question “Are you guys going to get married?” My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years, living together for 2 of those, so we get this question periodically. My usual response is, “No, we’ve both done that before.” The funniest variation of this so far has been when my step-Dad very cautiously asked, “Is there a ring involved in your relationship?” I replied, “No, but there is a home theater system…” (He can’t fathom the depths of our combined nerdiness, so he couldn’t appreciate my response…)

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This year, Good Clean Love would like to announce their first annual “Disguises of Love” Costume Contest! This Halloween, send us your photos of you or you and your sweetheart in your most creative costume. The winner will receive a 4oz bottle of Indian Spice love oil to keep those nights spicy and warm all winter long. Send your photos to ana@goodcleanlove.com by November 7th and we’ll announce the winner and their photo soon after!

Good Luck!

by Anastasia Strgar

Over the weekend I attended a seminar about how to revolutionize education in American schools.  In this seminar, the speakers discussed the institutionalized nature of the American school system- how the average new  teacher quits after 5 years, even sooner if working in inner city schools surrounded by children who know the names of different types of pot or guns before they know how to read.

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By Dr Tammy Nelson

Many couples have trouble finding the energy to keep up an exciting sex life.  Stress, exhaustion, kids, boredom – they can all lead to lack of enthusiasm in the bedroom.  One way to recharge your love life is to make a date for sex.  Carve out a time for sex in your schedule and put it on your calendar.  Make it the same day or night every week. Does that sound spontaneous? Not really.  But you can be as spontaneous as you want – if you plan it.

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