by Duncan Roy

The Fix Magazine

Gay men find it impossible to stay sober. They relapse again and again. The reason is clear: sex. Sexual addiction. I am not suggesting that all gay men who claim that they are alcoholic are in fact sex addicts but most gay men who can’t stay sober cite sex as the primary reason for relapse.

The simple fact of the matter is that most of the time, readily available anonymous hook ups quickly take the place of alcohol and drugs. When a sober man walks into the apartment of a super hot man doing crystal meth, sobriety is quickly flushed down the toilet along with HIV status.

I hear the story over and over again. Yet, as a community, we think we can get away with this risky behavior. It is an arrogant vanity.

Gay AA is a sad affair. I go periodically—mostly when I flee the super charged straight stag meetings because I find the straight, young newcomers too triggering.

While many straight sober people create a new life with AA that involves abandoning bars and other locations that might lead to relapse, gay sober men often want a sober version of the life they had before, complete with dance parties, bars and gogo boys. Any reason to have a party will do—including the absurd “three-month anniversary.” Or, as one galling invitation I received said, “Help Joe S. celebrate his one-month anniversary.”

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by Anastasia Strgar

I think Britney Spears said it best when she said “I’m not a girl, not yet a woman.” At 23, I’m a bit loth to call myself either a girl or a woman, because I don’t quite feel like either. Thus, as I’m training in the archaic fashions of ladylike behavior, I deign to consider myself a lady. However, all this talk about appropriate titles of my current role in human development, have gotten me thinking about what defines  being an adult?
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by Anastasia Strgar

I wouldn’t say I was surprised when I discovered Kim Kardashian’s divorce the other day, but I will say I was a little disgusted. Any respect that I had for her previously (which was very little, mind you) disappeared in a pouf when I read her statement about the divorce, which said something along the lines of expecting a fairytale… Although we’d all love to be Cinderella, the truth is that fairy tales are fairy tales for a reason- note the word “tale.”

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by Anastasia Strgar

Over the weekend I attended a seminar about how to revolutionize education in American schools.  In this seminar, the speakers discussed the institutionalized nature of the American school system- how the average new  teacher quits after 5 years, even sooner if working in inner city schools surrounded by children who know the names of different types of pot or guns before they know how to read.

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by Anastasia Strgar

At the dawn of my 23rd year I find myself on a whole new life track. This does not have anything to do with going on a crazy cross country adventure or skydiving over the Grand Canyon or anything like that (although that’d be awesome); it rather, has more to do with finally freeing myself from old negative thinking patterns about life and even more so, myself.

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by Anastasia Strgar

Without tooting my own horn, I’d say I consider myself a kind person. I’m actually more likely to put others before myself, but lately, I’ve been working on putting myself first. Mysteriously, I’ve discovered that when I start being nicer to myself, I am better able to recognize the kindness coming at me from all directions… Not only that, but I’m more likely to look at the guy on the side of the street with a cardboard sign with compassion, rather than criticism.

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I’ve been keeping a journal for the last few months in which I write a short reflection about my day and what I’ve learned and then list things I’m grateful for. It’s a way to keep me authentic and thinking about my daily experience. At times when I’m in a dark place I merely look through the journal and read about how far I’ve come in my personal growth quest. Last night, however, I tried something completely different- I devoted my whole 2 page entry to listing everything I could think of about me that’s so awesome.

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“People killin’, people dyin’
Children hurt and you hear them cryin’
Can you practice what you preach
And would you turn the other cheek…”

-Black Eyed Peas “Where is the Love?” (2003)

My most vivid memories of 9/11 were of the phone calls in the tragic last moments of people’s lives. Their final acts were all directed in desperation to communicate the love they felt for their partners, their children and their families. The love they felt was all they had to say. “Please always remember how much I love you.”  This was the phrase that filled the airwaves out of the planes and in the towers before they fell. There were no calls for revenge among the victims, their trauma and fear of their impending death dissolved into love; it was the only message that the victims wanted to leave behind.

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by Anastasia Strgar

Falling in love is so great, isn’t it? You can’t see the other person’s faults and you are merely open and engaged in their best qualities. They are funny, charming, honest, respectful and truly interested in getting to know you… You want to be a better person for them because they’re so awesome.

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by Anastasia Strgar

Okay, so I’ll just admit that recently I’ve started experimenting with fantasy when I make love. And I’ve discovered that I get amazing results. While I’m still pretty new at this and they haven’t really morphed out of setting me and my partner into different exotic scenarios, I find I feel sexier when I imagine us making love on a tropical beach or in a castle tower than simply in our bed.

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