by Elizabeth Spannuth

As anyone who has dated someone for more than a year knows, you invariably start getting some version of the question “Are you guys going to get married?” My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 years, living together for 2 of those, so we get this question periodically. My usual response is, “No, we’ve both done that before.” The funniest variation of this so far has been when my step-Dad very cautiously asked, “Is there a ring involved in your relationship?” I replied, “No, but there is a home theater system…” (He can’t fathom the depths of our combined nerdiness, so he couldn’t appreciate my response…)

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

My step-dad has always been a bit loopy. When I was growing up he was moody and prone to episodes of what I now recognize as depression. Strangely, as he has aged, he has fallen out of that pattern. Sometimes it seems as though he is a completely different person, so much so that occasionally I find myself asking “who is this supportive and positive person?”

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

I took advantage of Borders’ going-out-of-business sale and picked up the book, Us: Americans Talk About Love. It is a compilation of interviews with Americans from all walks of life covering the topics of relationships and love. There were no limits on the ages of the participants or how long that they had been in a relationship. The broad perspectives are a mix of entertaining, horrifying, and inspirational.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

I have a new age-type friend that loves to tell me what to do. It is always under the guise of love and “divine guidance,” but it still feels like it did when my older sister would boss me around as a kid. She speaks with such absolute authority that her opinion is the only valid one that sometimes I get swept up in it, just as I used to do with my older sister. Yes! Eating ground hemp seed and spiralina is the only way to eat. Yes! I should start my shamanic training. Yes! I should learn to communicate telepathically with dogs.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

Communication is the name of the game and we are constantly hearing about how important it is to talk to your partner. “Communicating” is not always pleasant. It might be positive, but not necessarily pleasant. Some subjects can be tough or uncomfortable and some things are just hard to hear coming from a loved one. There are tons of relationship experts out there ready to tell us how to do it, offering tip and tricks for successful interactions. Expert advice can be a fun read, but you really have to find what works for you and your relationship. Warning: this requires being honest with your mental blocks/limitations; a concept that is simple, but not easy.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

I am going through the painful process of sourcing independent health insurance. I have had group insurance for the last 10 years, so initially I was just plain confused by the terms and intricacies of each plan, as well as being shocked by the monthly premium. My insurance agent patiently explained it to me about 10 times and helped clear the fog. Then I started filling out the actual application and my heart sank… They ask for 5 years of medical history and, scrolling through the last 5 years felt something like getting my credit card statement and reliving the last month of my life. You know how it is to dredge up charges from past: that retail therapy impulse buy; that expensive dinner you should have just said no to; and that date you should haven’t bothered with, all come back to haunt you.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

When I was going through my divorce about 6 years ago, I realized that I have had a guilt complex for a good portion of my life. I don’t know where it came from, but it’s always been there. I have felt guilty for saying no, guilty for saying yes and guilty for saying maybe. I don’t know why it took me so long to recognize it, but once I did I saw how it had influenced so many things my life.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

Due to recent cash flow issues, my sister recently suggested that I look into being a phone sex operator to make extra cash. At first I nervously laughed at the idea; phone sex with strangers seemed outside of my comfort zone. I do “give good phone,” a skill that I have honed over the years through a combination of long distance relationships, excellent theater of the mind, and unlimited talk time. But my skills are usually reserved for my partner and not something that I have ever shared with a stranger.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

I have a friend that is going through a divorce and it is increasingly hard to watch. As per the usual cliché with this life altering event, love has turned to hate and things have degraded to the point that one side won’t even speak to the other. Fear of change, years of bottled resentment, and feelings of betrayal helped things to get to this point. Those are strong elements that can overshadow or outweigh whatever feelings of love remain. It is a tricky time; you want to help the person that you love get through this crisis, but the truth is most of us aren’t able to. Typically everyone must do it alone and as the yogis say, the only way out is through.

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by Elizabeth Spannuth

I turned 39 on Tuesday and in the weeks leading up to my birthday I was having mixed feelings about it. Typically, I don’t mind getting older, because I enjoy the mental journey. I am fond of saying “I miss my 20 year old body, but I don’t miss my 20 year old mind.” But being the birthday before the big 4-0, I wasn’t sure what to expect. I don’t have the trappings that society associates with my age group, such as a spouse, home ownership, a lucrative job at a big name company, and kids. I have a long-term boyfriend, live in a rented house, have a job at a start-up and have a dog and a cat. Not to say that these things aren’t great, because they are; I am thankful for them and I am confident in my choices. But society has a way of telling you those things aren’t good enough and every so often my ego agrees and feels the need to by for a visit and let me know… Conventional thinking asserts that you must make your union legal, own things and procreate, preferably in that order. (The best example of this was given to me by my sister. The majority of time that she lived in Texas she was a 30-something single woman. She would tell me stories of how married people again and again would ask her things like “why are you STILL single?” and “why don’t you have any kids?” while eyeing her as though she were defective.)

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