I consider myself blessed that, in this day and age, I grew up with parents whose marriage is not only in tact, but on the majority of days, happy. It’s easy to give up on marriage these days because we’re surrounded by celebrities who dispose of relationships as easily as they dispose of shoes or people who have false expectations about marriage. However, I think if you look hard enough, you’ll see that despite the divorce rate (which is actually getting lower), there are plenty of people who are getting married and staying married, despite what’s happening around them.
There are as many ways to think about love as there are people who love. The Daily Love Lenses provides a home for some of the best love writers on the web. This column will offer new views from a wide range of authors who specialize in creating healthy and vital intimate relationships.
We hope with this wide range of fresh views on what love and intimacy mean and how they work you will inspire you and keep your eyes open for the love surrounding you.
When I was going through my divorce about 6 years ago, I realized that I have had a guilt complex for a good portion of my life. I don’t know where it came from, but it’s always been there. I have felt guilty for saying no, guilty for saying yes and guilty for saying maybe. I don’t know why it took me so long to recognize it, but once I did I saw how it had influenced so many things my life.
I’ve been riding horses since I was 8-years-old. Through my tumultuous adolescence, my horse Pegasus stayed by my side, amidst failed friendships, breakups and general teenage angst. Horseback riding became a sort of meditation for me; I could just be myself, and learning how to ride dressage taught me a lot about being confident, expecting the unexpected and facing each situation with grace and courage.
by Anastasia Strgar
If today were the last day that you ever had on this earth, who would you want to be with? What would you tell them? And would anything that may happen really matter?
Back in the day, girls were sent to college to find a husband. Once they did that, their entire lives revolved around taking care of their husband and their families. Their identities became grouped with their husband’s and they never really had a chance to develop their own identities. Flash forward 60 years to the “Me Generation.”
Due to recent cash flow issues, my sister recently suggested that I look into being a phone sex operator to make extra cash. At first I nervously laughed at the idea; phone sex with strangers seemed outside of my comfort zone. I do “give good phone,” a skill that I have honed over the years through a combination of long distance relationships, excellent theater of the mind, and unlimited talk time. But my skills are usually reserved for my partner and not something that I have ever shared with a stranger.
I’ve never really had a long-distance relationship… Sure, I was penpals with a guy stationed in Iraq, but I’d never actually met the guy, so I’m not incredibly skilled at the phone sex/sexting thing. I can imagine that one of the hardest parts about a long distance relationship is the lack of physical intimacy, which is why so many long distance couples revert to phone sex.
It is a common misconception that a broken heart can only result from a breakup. In fact, if we allow our hearts to be open, they open not only to the beauty and joy of life, but also to the utter tragedy of it all. Our hearts can break not only from romantic breakups, but also from loss, sadness unexamined, and the ups and downs of our day to day life. As far as love is concerned, however, we have a tendency to believe that by choosing one particular partner and choosing to stay with them means that they will never break our hearts.
by Elizabeth Spannuth
I have a friend that is going through a divorce and it is increasingly hard to watch. As per the usual cliché with this life altering event, love has turned to hate and things have degraded to the point that one side won’t even speak to the other. Fear of change, years of bottled resentment, and feelings of betrayal helped things to get to this point. Those are strong elements that can overshadow or outweigh whatever feelings of love remain. It is a tricky time; you want to help the person that you love get through this crisis, but the truth is most of us aren’t able to. Typically everyone must do it alone and as the yogis say, the only way out is through.