Sustainability is the catch phrase of this generation… it means learning how to use current resources in a way that does not harm the future. Yet the wisdom of sustainability is rarely applied to love, which, I believe is the source of life energy from which all else springs. Love is an action verb and a developmental skill set which evolves with time and practice.

As we begin to appreciate that being in relationship, having a family and history with someone is a precious resource we begin the journey of creating a thriving ecology of love. The huge amounts of trust, time and loving intention that we invest in our early relationships are actually renewable resources and the currency of our future health and wellbeing. Sustaining your relationship with loving words and actions not only keeps your own intimacy vibrant, it becomes a living education of what love is for future generations.

Join us, as we learn together about the art of love through the skill based practice of creating a thriving Ecology of Love by addressing all of the aspects of intimacy that make love grow. Each post helps you to honestly address all the areas of your relationship that need attention in order to create the passionate connection that makes love thrive.

Ask yourself: How does the opening in your communication with your partner increase your ability to share passion? What does it feel like when your partner shows up for you and does it make you want them more? How do your good thoughts about loving your partner invite you into a kiss?

Recent Posts


Sexual Freedom: An Act of Courage

February 25th, 2015

sexy4resized“The secret to happiness is freedom… And the secret to freedom is courage.” -Thucydides

 

Fear is the driver for many people’s sexual and erotic lives. One of Freud’s students, Otto Rank, was quoted as saying, “People vacillate between the fear of living and the fear of dying.”  In some ways, our fears about our sexuality encompass both. We are equally terrified of what might happen if we gave into our erotic fantasy life and that we might never experience the pleasure we know that we hold in us. Worse still, these invisible and unnamed fears not only strangle our own capacity for intimacy but also are the source of the harshest judgments we hold about the sexuality of others; often times, those we hold most dear. Whether rooted in religious teachings or our first family structures, our sexual fears are instilled in us early and, as we mature, often translate into deeply held inhibitions, which prevent us from evolving sexually.

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Beauty of a Woman Blog Fest 2015: Why We Need Sex Ed

February 23rd, 2015

This year, we’re excited to be a part of August McLaughlin’s Beauty of a Woman BlogFest 2015. Not only does this online event celebrate collective female beauty and sexuality, but readers of this blog are also invited to go forth to read, learn and discuss. Not to mention- you’re eligible for prizes! Check it out!

 

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Sex Without a Safety Net

February 18th, 2015

sexy13“All serious daring starts from within.” -Eudora Welty

 

Sex has become the gateway meeting. Driven by phone apps and new social conventions of myriad hook ups as a way to “get to know someone,” sex- the deepest intimate connection we have to offer to another human being has been turned on its head and is now shared among much of the millennial generation with little more regard than a meeting for a drink. Sometimes, it starts with meeting for a drink- but by and large the idea of reserving the revelation of our sexual selves for the safe confines of an intimate relationship is passé. Being a mother of 4 young adults, I frequently witness the havoc that this new version of sexuality wreaks on the budding erotic souls of our next generation.

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Inhabiting Our Relationship- Healing Valentine’s Day

February 11th, 2015

ValentinesDay4resized“Truly, we can’t say thank you enough for the millions of ways that we have to show up for each other to keep love going…”  -Wendy Strgar 

 

Lelo, one of the largest vibrator manufacturers in the world is launching a feature film and guess what – it’s not about sex.  Rather, the film depicts a world where men and women have come to live apart, in a futuristic apocalypse of relationships.  The film points to the immediacy and urgency of re-learning the dying art of relationship. I am always encouraged when I get these kinds of messages in my inbox- diminishing the loneliness I sometimes feel in my quest to put our capacity for relating first.  With Valentine’s Day around the corner and all of its collateral damage, there isn’t a better time to reflect on our ability and willingness to not only work on our relationships, but even more deeply, to figure out how to truly inhabit them.

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How To Love

February 4th, 2015

bathroomcouple2“The planet does not need more successful people. The planet desperately needs more peacemakers, healers, restorers, storytellers and lovers of all kinds.” -The Dalai Lama

Life needs you to love, to come home to your true loving self. It needs you to be open to all that you don’t know, it needs you to listen with the intent to deeply connect, it needs you to want to feel everything, it needs you to recognize at every moment this might be your last chance to get it right. Here are the ever-evolving tips that I work to live by every day in the quest to build a life made of love. Each seems deceptively simple at first glance, but they are each present advanced practices of both what love requires of us and how, if we are blessed, we are re-created in its form. Love is in you, all around you, inescapably holding you if we could just learn its ways.

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Giving Up Sexual Insecurity

January 28th, 2015

breastcancerresized“Just about every study I have done relying on Google searches made me feel worse about the world… But after studying the new data on sex, I actually feel better. This data makes me feel less lonely… Men and women are united in this (sexual) insecurity and confusion…Google also gives us legitimate reasons to worry less than we do. Many of our deepest fears about how our sexual partners perceive us are unjustified.” -Seth Stephens-Davidowitz

 

Sex has long been associated with self-recrimination or worse. There might not be another aspect of our humanity that brings up more confusion, loneliness or self-condemnation than trying to make peace with our sexual nature. Well now, through the analysis of huge swaths of Google data, it is confirmed that we are united not only in our anxiety and insecurity about our sexuality, but also and maybe more importantly in our collective desire to seek out and enjoy our sexuality.

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No Value in Separation

January 21st, 2015

indianwomenresized“All difficult things have their origin in that which is easy, and great things in that which is small.”
-Lao Tzu

 

Recently, it has dawned on me that I have spent many years of my life keeping myself apart from other people in ways that I didn’t even recognize. Whether it is in my unseen judgments of other people’s choices and behaviors, or the ways that I am unavailable to listen to others, or the insidious ways that I consider myself above others, I have effectively built a fortress of habits that keep me at arm’s length from the things I want most in life and isolated from what I most deeply long for- belonging in my family, in my work, and in my community. Even with recognition, habits of separation are both subtle and persistent. They creep into my thinking insidiously and separate me not only from the people around me, but often from the moment itself.

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Intentions of Need

January 13th, 2015

shoreresized“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”  -Gandhi

 

I learned something important the other day as I was on my way home from a week away making sales visits across the frozen plains of the East Coast. It had been a challenging trip of flying and driving, driving and flying, staying in hotels and eating alone. I was sad and lonely. I was questioning the very premise of what I do. I was so in need of a friend. And while I am now committed and mostly capable of befriending myself, I realized how vulnerable it makes me to be without community. A brief meeting with a pilot, waiting for a plane reminded me about Charles Eisenstein’s video on Sacred Economics when I got it…  Community can only be born out of feeling our need for each other. This is the root of many of our deepest problems – that we have largely un-learned this most basic truth about our survival- that we do in fact need each other.

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Fantasy: Healing Intentions

January 6th, 2015

sexy6resized“This is the body that engages in sex, a body with so much soul that any attempt to deny its layers of meaning will come back to haunt us.”  -Thomas Moore

 

Maybe the smartest book I have ever read about how sexual attraction happens and why it is such a powerfully transformative healing response came from Stanley Siegel’s book Your Brain on Sex. In fact, I would call reading that book and the subsequent radio interviews I had with Dr. Siegel watershed moments in my own sexual understanding and the beginning of a whole new level of pleasure. The basic premise of his work is that our brain is continually working subconsciously to heal us, which explains what happens in our dream time as well as our fantasy time. Our dreaming brain uses our unresolved emotional issues and internal conflicts and reconfigures them as we sleep to bring us peace… Or, in the case of our erotic fantasies, to make pleasure out of pain.

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More or Less: 5 Intentions

December 30th, 2014

sunsetresized“I know what the greatest cure is:  it is to give up, to relinquish, to surrender, so that our little hearts may beat in unison with the great heart of the world.”  -Henry Miller

 

Knowing why we act and what we are creating is everything. The clarity with which we begin any endeavor is not only the initial map we have to steer by, but even more deeply, aligns the mysterious and subconscious to achieve our intentions. A dear friend told me not long ago that “intention is everything” and to act without it is our current form of insanity. Rather than resolutions, which are usually a reaction to what we don’t want, think of guiding this New Year with true intention. To get you started, I offer up a few parameters, which may come in handy to measure your state of being.

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