Secrets of Happily Married Men

September 14th, 2006

I really enjoy reading books for men by men about relationships. It totally confirms for me what I learned when I read my first book about boys while trying to raise my eldest son. The Wonder of Boys was a total revelation for me, and it taught me more about what had been trying and difficult in my marriage than years of therapy. I remember reading the part about how boys express themselves ( and don’t ) and realizing after years of arguing that my guy wasn’t punishing me- this was really just how he was. I urge you to take a look at it if you have any boys in your life…

Lately though I am really inspired by “The Secrets of Happily Married Men.” The most compelling message for any woman- i.e. wife, girlfriend, mistress… is that men are truly and profoundly different from women. I have gotten in hot water when I say this in talks or write it in articles, but after 23 years of marriage, and two sons, not to mention the hundreds of men who beg me to talk to their women partners, I am convinced that our gender differences are something to study and respect. If we could understand them for what they are, and not take them personally, they could live between us peaceably. I know this is true because after many years of frustration and arguing, my husbands abilities and inabilities in communication no longer mean anything about me, they are there like a landscape. Better still, seeing the landscape for what it is has opened up a new world of communicating with my boys and other men too. Men are so relieved when we stop belittling and making them feel bad for not being more like us. A truly life-changing perspective shift. Try it for just one day…

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