The Heart and Soul of Sex

October 31st, 2006

Here is the book that so many women that I meet and that long for a sex life that works for them must read. Gina Ogden, conducted a survey with close to 4000 women on aspects of sexuality, spirituality and their meeting place. In addition to insightful and fascinating quotes from many of these women, the book explores in depth the emotional, mental and spiritual connections that mean the most in our sexuality.

One idea that seemed to answer a question that comes up continuously in my conversations about the question of desire is that when feelings of anger and fear are repressed, desire goes right along with it. It is not hard to see the connection and yet I never really understood so clearly how our repressed feelings cut us off from all our feelings. She quotes, “You can’t heal, what you can’t feel.” And it seems that all the places we block, keep us from ourselves.

Particularly refreshing is a new formulation which the author terms ISIS – Integrating Sexuality and Spirituality which shifts the focus from classic definitions of healthy sexuality which is dominated by physical performance and ability to orgasm with specific stimulation to a newly and woman defined space of pleasure and satisfaction derived from a whole experience. In this process she explore a variety of energetic sexual models as well as tools for emotional and mental healing from sexual fears and abuses.

What I loved was the discussion about how our culture focuses and emphasizes the trauma of our sexuality and its lifelong events, but still offers little or no language to allow for the pleasure of our sexuality which is a primary source of our power, beauty and sense of belonging. We largely cannot allow for the “mind-blowing, self-affirming, emotionally juicy, transformational sexual experience” although more and more women are witnessing the remarkable transformations in their sexual identities and their lives.

I am grateful that this resource is available and hope to soon offer it on my website. What a great gift to meet the tribe…

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