Conversation or Sex

November 2nd, 2006

I read this survey that was included in the Ladies Home Journal the other day asking a wide variety of questions about intimacy and relationships. I was in the doctor’s office with my two teenagers and was sharing the results of the survey with them. The question that still stays with me and shocked them as much as me was. If you had to choose between conversation and sex with your guy for a month what would you give up? Can you believe a whopping 80% would give up sex?

I guess I should stop being shocked. The men’s responses were not surprisingly skewed towards sex over conversation, but still I had to ask myself, what could you want to talk about that badly. Here’s the thing that I have found to be true, my verbal conversations have more depth, intimacy and real listening when we have a physical conversation first. Sex connects two people in a way that words can sometimes confuse.

I sometimes wonder if I am guilty of oversimplifying when I say this especially in light of the fact that I am clearly part of a minority, but I really believe that we seriously underrate pleasure as a medium of communication. We dismiss our bodies and their needs as being less than or at least more base than the thoughts floating around our heads- My body is more honest than my mind if I am willing to listen to it. The stories in my mind can build castles and destroy empires left to their own devices. Have the conversation with your bodies first, you will probably tend to agree more.

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