The Costs and Cure for Rejection

March 26th, 2007

Rejection of any kind can really ruin a day. For some people it can ruin a week or more. It happened to me today when I was terminated on a blogger site. Most rejections whether they happen in personal or work situations press the same buttons- they strike all the weak links in the personality we have built, stretching thin all the places of low self esteem which we patch over each time it happens. The fabric of feeling worthy feels thin and shoddy, like there must have been something fundamentally wrong with the product all along.

Classic rejection follows the same patterns in both work and personal relationships too. Someone closes the door, walks away, permanently ends the connection. The other person is left, jaw hanging down, wondering how far out in left field they were. Communication about pressing issues never happened and then suddenly and often without warning- it is done.

Why do we believe that ending relationships in this way is the best thing we could do. The relationships we build over time are the most valuable assets we have in our lives- usually it takes a trauma of some kind for most people to wake up to this. Even then, for some it doesn’t quite work. They never fully appreciate that the greatest wealth we enjoy over time is being and giving love. For some of the more fragile among us, one rejection or two might be enough to take yourself out of the game. Avoiding the pain of rejection becomes the tragic choice of avoiding the potential for connection.

Here is the cure- 1. Forgiveness. Give up the story line about the other and yourself. Repeating hurtful stories only cements the pain into life and reinforces blockages. Easier sometimes said than done, but here is a real tip to help. Every time the thought comes up and the story begins to take shape, drop it. Actually watch yourself drop the package and walk away. 2. Love yourself. Tell yourself one good thing about you to replace the story. Feel sadness, anger and loneliness pass through you like the weather overhead. It will go by if you let it. Trust yourself to love again. An open heart heals quickly.

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