Here is an interesting dilemma on being human. You can see that what you are doing is not working. You might be getting consistent negative results, which is to say you are stressed, overwhelmed and in doubt about your present course and still it is somehow easier to stay the rocky course than face the empty space of not knowing how to do it differently. Here is the thing, you have to stop doing what isn’t working and give yourself the time and space to figure out how to reinvent the process.
It seems like a no-brainer. It should be easy actually. But facing the unknown I guess beats the continuous and predictable banging the head against the wall frequently. I am facing this in my business now. I finally became clear about why it isn’t working as I would have hoped and even got clear about the global shift in direction. The problem is that I don’t really know how to do it yet. So I watch myself continuously going back to doing it the old way, the way that I know how to do. I watch myself squirm at my desk, reverting to what I know is incorrect, because not knowing feels so empty.
This phenomenon sadly holds true for our relationships as well. Couples locked into old habits of communication or lack of it or troubled, repetitive intimacy cycles. They know what is wrong, they don’t need a therapist to tell them where things aren’t working, but they just don’t know quite how to do it right. That space of transition takes real courage no matter what kind of relationship you are trying to correct. It takes the courage to sit still in the unknown for a while. It takes the courage of not reverting back to the familiar. It takes a conscious choice to trust yourself and your process over and over. I think this is the high road and the only one that we are likely to evolve on.
It is the sustainable path to loving your life, your partner, yourself.