The times when words don’t work, when you can hardly remember why you keep showing up for your relationship are begging for the best sex you might ever have. It is not the easiest intimacy to initiate because you have to jump over a couple of big egos to get to a place where the wisdom of your body can lead and you have half a chance to find what it is you have been wanting to say or have heard.
It is not easy to admit to yourself, and I think even harder to admit to your partner that there might not be any words that can bridge the gap that lives between you. There are some places that might never be healed in the relationship and some needs that will never be met. I think this is true about all long term relationships, but most are not willing to know it. For me, it is the place that makes me want to walk away. Every time I find myself alone here, I wonder how can I say yes to this relationship that so utterly fails me in this deep place.
It isn’t just sex, mind you. But connecting with flesh and allowing those feelings space to express without words provides a bridge and a sort of salve to the rough edges between us. Experiencing a connection that is deeper than any words that I could find, even in my most eloquent moments is what sex is for. This is where the act of making love has the power to transform- when two people together are greater than the sum of the parts. It is easier to keep saying yes to all the work of building a relationship that can last.