The Search for Delicious

October 29th, 2010

“It’s all make believe, isn’t it?” -Marilyn Monroe

In this season of trick or treating, what is really more delectable than a really juicy romp in the hay… ok, well maybe not the hay, but somewhere cozy, exotic or risqué?  It isn’t really the candy that makes the holiday memorable, it is the sweetness of surprise and the chance to be someone else for a day that gets you thinking long before the day of what  or who you are going to be…Even in adulthood,  Halloween is one of the most popular holidays of the year because no one outgrows the urge to instantly transform themselves, to show up as someone else.

When you consider the majority of costumes that are sold for the festivities; (save for the humorous animals and foods that people use to disguise themselves), the majority of people dressing up are going for sexier versions of themselves. And why not?  It is unfortunate that we don’t have more designated days to deck ourselves out as our sexiest alter egos. I usually go as a witch, my favorite alter ego that I keep under wraps, but even that is usually sexier than my day-to-day loveology garb, assuming you dig black lips.

One year, when I was nursing a bad oil burn on my neck, my husband and I turned the wound into an elaborate Dracula’s mistress story. It was easy to pull off; we were in a hot and sexy cycle.  Keeping those cycles going year after year is all about learning to tap into the sexy spaces lurking inside each of us more regularly than the occasional sanctified dress up holiday. Taking the same adventurous spirit of Halloween dress-up into the bedroom and transforming it into role-playing our desires is one way to keep the make believe going and spice up your intimate life simultaneously. Commitment to bringing our sexy alter egos out of the closet with more regularity is one significant key to keeping the intimate fires roasting.

Role-play is actually a fairly commonly practiced form of sexual foreplay. Giving life to our fantasies in the form of costuming and accessories, even if they never leave the bedroom is a fun and playful way to leap into the abandon that passionate sex demands. Although I tend towards silk and lace, I have long celebrated and promoted the concept of dressing up for intimacy. Just as our clothing choices for other areas of life get us in the mood for work, sleep or play, having a sexual wardrobe to choose from is a great mental transition space and can add a surprising amount of spice to a routine sex life.

The art of pretend is something that most of us lose touch with over the years, which explains why Halloween is one of the most profitable holidays of the year, especially in the adult industry. Imagining oneself as characters from other stories is how we learned about ourselves as children. Remember the multiple forms of imagining that filled your life as a child: from daydreaming to imaginary friends… The truth is that adults don’t lose their capacity for this kind of thinking; we just often lose our access to it…. Except maybe on Halloween.

This year, I invite you to go out on a limb and instead of spending too much money on a costume you will only wear to one event, get something that could transform your favorite private fantasy into a new make believe adventure at least once a month. Watch what happens by adding a little mystery and imagination into the bedroom. It’s way better than the candy….

2 Responses to “The Search for Delicious”

  1. Pat Frishkoff Says:

    Great issue! Hope that you are going to do a blog on the innovation network BEFORE the event, to urge folks to attend. I want a copy of the book. Would you bring it to the event, and I’ll pay you then? I will be facilitating the family business panel. I’ll also be in your audience.

  2. Pamela at Love Intelligently Online Says:

    I agree, passionate sex can demand a jump into abandonment of rules and rules and inhibitions…”Role-play is actually a fairly commonly practiced form of sexual foreplay. Giving life to our fantasies in the form of costuming and accessories, even if they never leave the bedroom is a fun and playful way to leap into the abandon that passionate sex demands”.

    This is so true but I haqve found that not enough partners engage in this practice for lack of either imagination or fear of “looking foolish or silly”. My practice often consists of suggesting ways couples/partners can make some changes to spice up their intimate lives without having to resort to something that one partner or the other can’t handle emotionally. BE SURE that if you’re dressing up/and-or role playing with the expectation that this is going to suddenly set you on fire—RELAX! It may turn into a funny and playful escapade instead with the two of you laughing your sides off as you begin to experiment with this idea. Work with each others fantasies and talk together about what you hope for and would like to see happen. You MAY play out a story (think about writing one TOGETHER to enact) or you may just wear sexy clothing after deciding what makes each of you FEEL sexy.Pamela Smale Williams LPC LMFT AASECT AAMFT HAPPY HALLOWEEN Good Clean Love!

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