“It’s all make believe, isn’t it?” -Marilyn Monroe

In this season of trick or treating, what is really more delectable than a really juicy romp in the hay… ok, well maybe not the hay, but somewhere cozy, exotic or risqué?  It isn’t really the candy that makes the holiday memorable, it is the sweetness of surprise and the chance to be someone else for a day that gets you thinking long before the day of what  or who you are going to be…Even in adulthood,  Halloween is one of the most popular holidays of the year because no one outgrows the urge to instantly transform themselves, to show up as someone else.

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“Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

-Anonymous

There are brief moments lately when I start to feel like I am returning to a normal routine after my son’s near miss with tragedy. He has also returned to his normal routines and is seemingly stronger than before. His recent fall feels more like a dream now and I am noticing how easy it is for the miracles that bless us to fade over time. The further I get from the experience, the more that I wonder about what happened, the more incredulous it seems that everything could just be as it was before. I want to hang onto the gratitude and faith that this experience has instilled in me.  I want to learn to live with the intention of taking nothing for granted.

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“This has been my life. I have found it worth living, and would gladly live it again if the chance were offered me.”  -Bertrand Russell

My son fell from a roof last week and just like that all of life was different. This is often how life catches us off guard; with accidents, health emergencies or just bad weather consequences.   Suddenly all that we take for granted, that we hold as the fabric of our lives unravels in an instant. It is at once humbling and awakening, as we hang dearly to the thread that was just a moment before the colorful tapestry we thought was our own. We hang on, searching for something to believe in.

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“Good sex isn’t about just elevating your heart rate — it’s about elevating your heart.” -David Schnarch

The crossroads between our genitals and our neurology turns out to be a super highway. One of the most powerful transformers in the new science of brain re-wiring occurs during deep intimate connection. As some of the mystery of sexual intimacy is revealed through the emerging science of neurobiology, we begin to understand how we are shaped and re-shaped by the people we love and who love us back. The brain actually rewires itself as we open wide to physical love within a committed relationship.

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“It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” – Antoine de Saint-Exupery

A lot of us shield our hearts. We are so nervous about the potential for it to be broken by the loss of love, that we inadvertently keep it from use. Shielding our heart can become such a deep and prolonged habit that we often walk around with a shield we don’t even know we are wearing. These shields come in so many unique shapes and sizes that they can be confused for something else.  So common is the practice that it is a rare meeting of two open hearts.

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This week seems to be ripe with new beginnings. My last year of college started just a few days ago, which means everything’s changing around quite quickly. But let me backtrack for a moment to introduce myself. I am the founder of Good Clean Love’s daughter, a senior in college attending the University of Oregon and will graduate with a degree in public relations. I would like to announce the arrival of a new column on the Good Clean Love site. This column will be dedicated to all of us younger people, trying for the first time, to handle committed adult relationships.

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“Poor is the man whose pleasures depend on the permission of another.”  -Madonna

It occurred to me the last time that I was in the throes of passion, when I have some of my best thoughts, that so much about our sexual experience is connected to our ability to give ourselves permission to explore the far reaches of arousal. The permission that I am referring to is not really the cerebral ‘thinking through the consequences’ deliberation that a permission slip requires. It is more of a visceral form of self-forgiveness that allows all of the mysterious and hard-to-articulate intensity of sexuality to move through you.

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“Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.” -Jonathon Kozol

Most of the arguments that couples have about their sex lives are not about sex. Sex is the container, where we are most acutely aware of the spaces in our relationship that fail to connect, that make us feel small, unloved, invisible, and that reflect our deepest conflicts.  It is a little ironic that our potential for our deepest pleasure also contains our most intense turmoil, but not that surprising when you consider the “sexophrenic” (think schizophrenic) culture we live in, which is split between shameful prudishness and the blatant exhibitionism that occupies media, music and mainstream advertising.

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“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours”  -Swedish Proverb

It has sometimes occurred to me when I explain how to use love products that I should have made my tagline: “More is Better” because when it comes to using great natural and organic intimacy products, that is the truth. Unlike other creams that boast one little dab will do you, love oil and lubricant want to be used lavishly. Sensuality is born in touch and nothing makes a hand glide on skin while waking up your sense of smell like a healthy dose of love oil. Even those that claim they don’t need a lubricant will often agree after just one application that more is indeed, better.

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“I am convinced, both by faith and experience, that to maintain one’s self on the earth is not a hardship but a pastime- if we live simply and wisely.” -Henry David Thoreau

We are living in anxious times. Improvements in our economy are inconsistent and our sense of security in the systems that we have long looked to for stability feels weak and fragile. There are no quick fixes for the long-term issues that have gotten us to this point and our governmental leaders are as fractured and disconnected as ever. Job security is no longer the norm, and collectively we sleep less than we ever have. Often, with nowhere else to turn, it is our closest personal relationships that bear the brunt of it all.

It is understandable that it is the places where we feel most safe that our deepest insecurities arise. I see this with my teenagers frequently; their anxiety often translates into anger or frustration, which in turn sets up my defenses and impatience. The results can be even more debilitating with my husband, where instead of practicing patience and compassion, insecurities come out in a harshness in tone of voice or short tempers. No one is to blame and yet it is often those we love most dearly who get the worst effects of our insecurity.

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