I didn’t realize when we first envisioned the Love Agent movement that we were actually creating an ongoing mechanism for relational breakthroughs until recently when it has became clear how challenging it is for our hundreds of love agents to go from being registered to engaged. I naively thought that our little love missions would become a simple self fulfilling prophecy as people experienced how enhancing their intimate connections makes their lives more satisfying and whole. I underestimated how becoming more loving in our lives actually represents a break through in our thinking. And that It isn’t just our busyness that keeps people from engaging as love agents, but rather our initial resistance to changing our thinking and our lack of practice in sustaining it.
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The truth is that we all fall short of our intentions a lot of the time, especially when it comes to our dedication to loving the people around us. We are blessed with these brilliant moments of inspiration that too often don’t come together in reality.
One of the most powerful antidotes to this pattern of unfulfilled love ideas is to share our commitment to become more loving with the people they care about most: See if this sweet reflection of sharing our loving intentions doesn’t inspire to get your love relationship signed up as Love Agents…
If you can’t clear your mind when you are about to have sex, don’t bother. Coming into bed with a head full of thoughts, any kind of thoughts- from to-do lists to insecurities to anticipation- will prevent you from the experience of engaging sex. Good sex demands one thing above all- your full presence; and orgasm specifically, is impossible to achieve when your brain is busy processing any old list of anxious or tedious thinking.
Perhaps the most salient recognition that we can make about our relationships is that we have no real control over what someone else receives from us, and moreover, often we are not even aware of how our love is transmitted to someone else. This explains the strange yet common phenomenon of long-term relationship’s endings and the surprising conversations, which demonstrate this very fact. Two people who inhabit a single relationship are often in two very different relationships.
“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” And yet, this is often the most challenging part of our development, coming to believe in our own lovability. Yet, when it comes down to it there is no other single more powerful fix to our relationships and even life in general than coming to a practice of loving ourselves.
Recently, I decided to try out a new yoga teacher and was forced to notice just how much resistance I had to changing my routine. In fact it took me weeks to actually finally get to that new studio. The first time was the hardest, but every week afterwards, required a little inner cajoling to go back. Adding something new to our routine is harder than it seems on first glance, and getting ourselves to change how we do our days takes concerted effort. In part, interrupting our routine requires that we literally change how we think and considering that for most of us, 95% of our thoughts are the same ones we had yesterday and the day before that, this is no small thing.
Celebrating the joys and successes of people we love is a more powerful glue of connection than providing support or consolation for life’s challenges and disappointments. Equally powerful are the small ways that we intentionally communicate to our partners how they hold a special place in our life and hearts. Ironically, this is where many relationships fall short. It was a Love Agent’s feedback that made me think about this simple, yet often overlooked aspect of loving someone else.
It takes a lot of courage to get what we want. It seems counterintuitive, but I witness how many people refuse the goodness coming towards them, the goodness that they created themselves. It’s like there is some default setting on our hearts that clicks off right when we get to the edge of what we have been striving for. In retrospect, we could go back to those moments and realize it would have been just one change of mind that would have altered the course of events. Getting to that different way of seeing and lifting the veils from our perspective is the most challenging, yet gratifying work in which we can engage. It is the way we change the fundamental feel of our life and it starts by saying yes.
“The great danger for family life, in the midst of any society whose idols are pleasure, comfort and independence, lies in the fact that people close their hearts and become selfish.” -Pope John Paul II
We are the country of grand experiments and the only constant is change. Nowhere is this more apparent than in the ways we are witnessing the disintegration of the traditional family unit. I inherited my father’s AARP subscription and the cover story of this month’s issue featured a special report on the New American Family and detailed how we live now. The trends cited are important not only because they reflect how families are formed now, but even more because they provide important implications for what is to come. While the Baby Boomer generation has created a wave of cultural changes, the most impactful may be the close to 50% divorce rate statistic, which makes them the generation with the highest divorce rate in the 20th century. Indeed, their influence is clear as families consisting of married couples with kids are now less than half of what they were in 1970 and children born to unmarried women has jumped from 5% to 41%.
Of all the sciences, the one that is most compelling to me is Quantum Physics. A year ago I went to this remarkable Science and Non-Duality conference, where leading PhD quantum physicists convened with spiritual teachers, confirming the scientific theories, which support the ancient teachings that we are indeed all one. Accepting and understanding how we are all connected in this vast, ever expanding universe of benign energy is the context which makes the idea of a love centered revolution possible. A movement of Love Agents creating a stream of intentional loving acts will subtly, yet definitively shift the collective consciousness to the truth of our interconnectedness. And the idea that a relatively small group of people can become a catalyst for change and impact the larger whole has been proven time and again. Arguably, in the name of love, there may not be a more opportune moment to intervene than right now.