Archive for the 'Featured' Category

Outgrowing Our Sexual Adolescence

Friday, September 12th, 2014

gaymenfieldresized“Most people are mirrors, reflecting the moods and emotions of the times; few are windows, bringing light to bear on the dark corners where troubles fester. The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.”  -Sydney Harris

 

We come into our erotic consciousness in our early adolescence. The process is mostly subconscious as the maturing brain establishes unique patterns of pleasurable stimuli, often in response to painful events or relationships that it is working to resolve. Like our fingerprints, or the subtle distinctions in our sense of smell, our arousal mechanism evolves outside of our control and often, to our surprise. It is no wonder that the first and often long-standing issue most of us begin our sexual journey with is – am I normal? As we come to know what turns us on, even in its most subtle forms, our sexuality pushes our boundaries of normalcy. Our sexual selves are the unique, wild streak in us that won’t be easily contained and whose full pleasure potential is achieved the less we try to control it. Since the Biblical verses in the Garden of Eden, human sexuality has been considered dangerous, serpent-like.

Read the rest of this entry »

Celebrating Sexual Wellbeing

Friday, September 5th, 2014

indianwomenresizedAfter people are clothed and fed, then they think about sex.  -Confucius 479 BC

 

What does sexual wellbeing mean to you? This is the question that the World Association for Sexual Health (WAS) selected for its focus on the 2nd annual World Sexual Health Day this week on September 4th.  More than 30 countries took part by creating events to recognize the need to articulate and understand the concept of sexual rights for all. This is no small thing, given that in most countries, the science of sexology does not exist and that, with the exception of a few Western nations, there is no collection or depository of sexual health data. Globally, we have not been willing or able to create a standardized terminology for the varied practices of sex. Unlike most other human-related scientific disciplines, our conception and understanding of our sexuality and related erotic selves remains in its infancy. When it comes to sexual behaviors, there is no collective data on legislation or its enforcement, the economic ramifications of sexual practices or even a shared global criteria for sexual counseling. It is truly something to celebrate that we have arrived at the 2nd anniversary of this day dedicated to raising global consciousness and I was proud to be included as a primary sponsor for the North American event in New York City.

Read the rest of this entry »

Engaging With Our Stories

Friday, August 29th, 2014

manwalkingdogresized“Don’t change the world, change worlds.”  -St Francis of Assisi

 

One of my favorite talks that I listen to over and over again by Pema Chodron is her teaching about cultivating Bodichitta, which is another word for the ‘awakened heart.’ Her advice is that we have to start where we are, recognizing the love we have to give and, more importantly, the love we can receive in this present moment. In the talk, she empathizes about how many people share the common and painful experience of not being able to identify a single person that they felt loved them truly and unconditionally. This narrative of feeling unlovable is rampant in our time. Arguably, there are more people living lonely and disconnected lives than in any time in our history, which is ironic given the vast technological advances designed to connect us all.

Read the rest of this entry »

Love Agent: Best of Love Shared

Friday, August 22nd, 2014

thinkinggirl2resizedI didn’t realize when we first envisioned the Love Agent movement that we were  actually creating an ongoing mechanism for relational breakthroughs until recently when it has became clear how challenging it is for our hundreds of love agents to go from being registered to engaged.   I naively thought that our little love missions would become a simple self fulfilling prophecy as people experienced how enhancing their intimate connections makes their lives more satisfying and whole.  I underestimated how becoming more loving in our lives actually represents a break through in our thinking.  And that It isn’t just our busyness that keeps people from engaging as love agents, but rather our initial resistance to changing our thinking and our lack of practice in sustaining it.

Read the rest of this entry »

Sharing the Intention to Love

Friday, August 15th, 2014

breakfastinbedThe truth is that we all fall short of our intentions a lot of the time, especially when it comes to our dedication to loving the people around us.  We are blessed with  these brilliant moments of inspiration that too often don’t come together in reality.

One of the most powerful antidotes to this pattern of unfulfilled love ideas is to share our commitment to become more loving with the people they care about most:  See if this sweet reflection of sharing our loving intentions doesn’t inspire to get your love relationship signed up as Love Agents…

Read the rest of this entry »

Intimate Clarity

Friday, August 15th, 2014

IMG_6674“More important than the quest for certainty is the quest for clarity.”  -Francois Gautier

 

If you can’t clear your mind when you are about to have sex, don’t bother. Coming into bed with a head full of thoughts, any kind of thoughts- from to-do lists to insecurities to anticipation- will prevent you from the experience of engaging sex. Good sex demands one thing above all- your full presence; and orgasm specifically, is impossible to achieve when your brain is busy processing any old list of anxious or tedious thinking.

Read the rest of this entry »

Let Love In

Friday, August 8th, 2014

gratefulgirl5“I know what I have given you.  I do not know what you have received.” -Antonio Porchia

 

Perhaps the most salient recognition that we can make about our relationships is that we have no real control over what someone else receives from us, and moreover, often we are not even aware of how our love is transmitted to someone else. This explains the strange yet common phenomenon of long-term relationship’s endings and the surprising conversations, which demonstrate this very fact. Two people who inhabit a single relationship are often in two very different relationships.

Read the rest of this entry »

How to Feel Lovable

Friday, August 1st, 2014

mistymorningOne of my all time favorite quotes by the Buddha is:

“You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe deserve your love and affection.” And yet,  this is often the most challenging part of our development, coming to believe in our own lovability. Yet, when it comes down to it there is no other single more powerful fix to our relationships and even life in general than coming to a practice of loving ourselves.

Read the rest of this entry »

The Engagement Gap

Friday, August 1st, 2014

runningcouple“The real measure of our lives may ultimately be in the small choices we make in each and every moment.”  -Jim Loehr 

 

Recently, I decided to try out a new yoga teacher and was forced to notice just how much resistance I had to changing my routine. In fact it took me weeks to actually finally get to that new studio. The first time was the hardest, but every week afterwards, required a little inner cajoling to go back. Adding something new to our routine is harder than it seems on first glance, and getting ourselves to change how we do our days takes concerted effort. In part, interrupting our routine requires that we literally change how we think and considering that for most of us, 95% of our thoughts are the same ones we had yesterday and the day before that, this is no small thing.

Read the rest of this entry »

Flexing Your Love Muscles

Friday, July 25th, 2014

coupledoor4 “Love is natural, but loving well doesn’t come naturally.”  -Rachel W., Love Agent

 

Celebrating the joys and successes of people we love is a more powerful glue of connection than providing support or consolation for life’s challenges and disappointments. Equally powerful are the small ways that we intentionally communicate to our partners how they hold a special place in our life and hearts. Ironically, this is where many relationships fall short. It was a Love Agent’s feedback that made me think about this simple, yet often overlooked aspect of loving someone else.

Read the rest of this entry »