Archive for the 'Making Love Sustainable' Category

Reconciling My Sexy Self

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014

sexytimeresized

“Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.” -Jim Morrison

 

I love sex.  There is little else in life that eclipses the culmination of release, joy and satisfaction that I experience every time I make love.

There, I said it.

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Q&A With August McLaughlin, Girl Boner Radio

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

I am so excited to introduce August McLaughlin as a co-conspirator in making the world a more loving and sexually empowered place. Her voice is heard through her weekly radio show and award-winning blog- Girl Boner. Coming from the world of high beauty as an international model and battling her way through anorexia gives her a unique approach, which both inspires other women to embrace themselves and their sexuality, and provokes us all to wake up to our fullest most authentic life.

Our new partnership is a gift, as her fresh perspective adds a new dimension to my own work of merging healthy passionate sexuality with meaningful emotional intimacy. August’s invitation to sexually empower the good girls is an invitation for all of us… As she says, “Embracing our sexuality and capacity for pleasure means respecting our bodies, living more fully and embracing ourselves.”

Get to know August and her intriguing, provocative content.

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Reuniting Leaving and Left

Monday, December 1st, 2014

traintracksresized“Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow - that’s vulnerability.” -Brene Brown

 

At the end of almost all relationships there are two roles, the one who is leaving and the one who is left. Optimally, yet I think more rarely, both people in a relationship are ready to move on and the leaving is mutual. I have noticed in my own life that for me, endings are almost always about being left. I don’t think I am unusual in finding myself habitually in the same role pattern. People who leave others tend to be the ones who leave. People who are left tend to be the ones who hang on. Each role is steeped in both our conscious values and unconscious adaptive emotional patterns.

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The Most Grateful Moments

Monday, November 24th, 2014

IMG_2311resized“System reset. That is what grateful sex does. Every nerve fiber is soothed; the connections between heart, mind and body are restored, balanced.”  -Wendy Strgar

Think about the last time you felt profoundly grateful. Try and remember how it felt in your body the last time you were fully aware of how good life can be and notice how engaged your were by your senses, whether it was in the extraordinary taste of favorite foods, the scent of seasons changing in the early morning, the way great music lingers and changes your physiology, or the way colors capture your imagination. Turning the practice of gratitude into a felt sense is as simple as bringing our full attention to our sensory capacity. Learning to recognize gratitude on the physical plane and conjure up these moments as a visceral response gives you access to more joy and pleasure in the every day.

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Why Submission Works

Monday, November 17th, 2014

sexycouple3resized“Submission was such a nice mini-vacation, in that respect, a pleasure cruise through sex with heightened senses and emotions, and no thought to the outside world.” -Abigail Barnette

It is not surprising that submission and domination themes are among the most common personal fantasy content, or that a huge percentage of pornography depicts issues of power in relationships. This same dynamic is at play during illicit affairs- the thrill of being overcome by our sexual desire allows us to engage in sexual play that goes beyond our imagination. It feels natural to do the most outrageous sex acts when we give up our control. Ironically, this need to be out of control sexually in order to get lost in our own erotic passions prevents many couples from scheduling lovemaking time. The very idea that they could “plan” to lose control sexually is the obstacle that prevents them from discovering how easy it is to engage with submissive fantasies any time.

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Befriending Demons, Ghosts and Death

Friday, October 31st, 2014

moonresizedIt was the Celtic civilization that first celebrated the magical time of year that is Halloween. They considered this time, the Samhain, as the most significant turning point of the year, when things change most deeply, when connections to the dead open up… The souls that have gone through the ultimate turning from life to death. They believed that this was the time of year that the world of the living and the world of the dead were closest and that the spirits and ghosts of the dead travelled amongst the living. This conception of the closing gap between life and death in still widely celebrated in the Mexican Dia de los Muertos and even in the Christian All Saints Day. Taking this opportunity to celebrate the dead among us, to acknowledge the ghosts that remain behind and to befriend the demons that we embody are powerful and redemptive acts of love, both for the living and the dead, as what remains in hidden steals immense power from our living intentions.

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Relinquishing Prejudice For Greater Intimacy

Friday, October 24th, 2014

maphands”It is never too late to give up our prejudices.” ~Henry David Thoreau

 

We all have them; these silent judgments, which invisibly harden into prejudice and separate us from whoever it is that we deem the “other,” whether based on race, religion or sexual identity. It is the invisible and unacknowledged judgments that maintain the strongest holds on us,  limiting our ability to wonder and to be curious about what we can’t see. What we often miss is that as our openness dwindles, so does our capacity to become intimate. The truth is that there is a part of ourselves that we close off when we reject vast swaths of people around us. Generally our most severe and ardent judgments reflect back on something in us that we can’t quite accept.

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Hurt Heart: Breast Revelations

Friday, October 17th, 2014

breastcancerresized“Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart … Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens.”  -Carl Jung


We hurt ourselves by trying to defend ourselves against our own truth. The pain we refuse to feel collects in us and is stored in the places we are most shielded, which for most of us, is our hearts. We are so fearful of the potential of a broken heart that we inadvertently refuse to open our hearts for their intended use. This practice of shielding our hearts and denying our feelings can become such a deep and prolonged habit that we walk around encased in a shield that we don’t even know we are wearing. This explains why it is so rare and beautiful a thing – the meeting of two open hearts. It’s no good, this refusal of our own heart experience. The act of becoming numb to ourselves actually requires a lot of effort and explains our collective fixation on the wide range of drug and alcohol induced self-medicating. The pain in our collective breasts begins with what remains unseen in our hearts.
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Asking for Help

Wednesday, October 15th, 2014

giving1resized“Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can’t help them, at least don’t hurt them.” -Dalai Lama

 

I spend most of my days trying to help but am only just learning how to receive help. The weakest link and most meaningful learning in my fledgling practice to receive help is in having the courage to ask and believe I can get the help I need.  This applies to everything from cleaning up a 100 year mess I inherited behind my house, to figuring out how to connect to my teenage daughter. The more I practice this often overlooked skill, the more I realize just how far a little help goes.

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Getting the Hurt We Believe We Deserve

Friday, October 10th, 2014

silhouette3resized“You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”  -Buddha

 

I have come to believe that so many relationships are so hurtful because we believe that is the love we deserve. For years after my parents’ divorce, I watched my mother have a 30- year affair with a man who would never really show up for her in the ways she needed. She would end it over and over again after holidays or her birthday when she was alone, and then after they would get back together, she would go on about how this is enough for her. This was all the love that she believed she deserved. My friendships during my adolescent years mostly, were like hers- and left me feeling wanting, not pretty enough, not good enough. Like many of us, I learned how to have relationships that belittled and hurt me. My earliest romantic relationships went from bad to worse, yet even through my tearful protestations that I deserved someone who would love me, I continuously attracted boys who didn’t see me or care about me. Basically I got the hurt that I believed I was worthy of.

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