Archive for the 'Making Love Sustainable' Category

Intentions of Need

Tuesday, January 13th, 2015

shoreresized“The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.”  -Gandhi

 

I learned something important the other day as I was on my way home from a week away making sales visits across the frozen plains of the East Coast. It had been a challenging trip of flying and driving, driving and flying, staying in hotels and eating alone. I was sad and lonely. I was questioning the very premise of what I do. I was so in need of a friend. And while I am now committed and mostly capable of befriending myself, I realized how vulnerable it makes me to be without community. A brief meeting with a pilot, waiting for a plane reminded me about Charles Eisenstein’s video on Sacred Economics when I got it…  Community can only be born out of feeling our need for each other. This is the root of many of our deepest problems – that we have largely un-learned this most basic truth about our survival- that we do in fact need each other.

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Fantasy: Healing Intentions

Tuesday, January 6th, 2015

sexy6resized“This is the body that engages in sex, a body with so much soul that any attempt to deny its layers of meaning will come back to haunt us.”  -Thomas Moore

 

Maybe the smartest book I have ever read about how sexual attraction happens and why it is such a powerfully transformative healing response came from Stanley Siegel’s book Your Brain on Sex. In fact, I would call reading that book and the subsequent radio interviews I had with Dr. Siegel watershed moments in my own sexual understanding and the beginning of a whole new level of pleasure. The basic premise of his work is that our brain is continually working subconsciously to heal us, which explains what happens in our dream time as well as our fantasy time. Our dreaming brain uses our unresolved emotional issues and internal conflicts and reconfigures them as we sleep to bring us peace… Or, in the case of our erotic fantasies, to make pleasure out of pain.

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More or Less: 5 Intentions

Tuesday, December 30th, 2014

sunsetresized“I know what the greatest cure is:  it is to give up, to relinquish, to surrender, so that our little hearts may beat in unison with the great heart of the world.”  -Henry Miller

 

Knowing why we act and what we are creating is everything. The clarity with which we begin any endeavor is not only the initial map we have to steer by, but even more deeply, aligns the mysterious and subconscious to achieve our intentions. A dear friend told me not long ago that “intention is everything” and to act without it is our current form of insanity. Rather than resolutions, which are usually a reaction to what we don’t want, think of guiding this New Year with true intention. To get you started, I offer up a few parameters, which may come in handy to measure your state of being.

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Three Gifts

Tuesday, December 23rd, 2014

9e4c193b2b8769996c7a57c780ff3f7f“And the greatest gift of all… is love” -Unknown

 

How we think is not only the foundation of who we become each day, but creates the meaning we take away from our life.  Here are three thoughts, which if taken to heart, will gift the quality of your holiday time, offering you the internal space to be truly present, the warmth that comes from being witnessed and the power of your fullest attention.

Suddenly, all of my ancestors are behind me.  “Be still,” they say. “Watch and listen. You are the result of the love of thousands…”   -Unknown

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Reconciling My Sexy Self

Tuesday, December 16th, 2014

sexytimeresized

“Sex is full of lies. The body tries to tell the truth. But, it’s usually too battered with rules to be heard, and bound with pretenses so it can hardly move. We cripple ourselves with lies.” -Jim Morrison

 

I love sex.  There is little else in life that eclipses the culmination of release, joy and satisfaction that I experience every time I make love.

There, I said it.

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Q&A With August McLaughlin, Girl Boner Radio

Wednesday, December 3rd, 2014

I am so excited to introduce August McLaughlin as a co-conspirator in making the world a more loving and sexually empowered place. Her voice is heard through her weekly radio show and award-winning blog- Girl Boner. Coming from the world of high beauty as an international model and battling her way through anorexia gives her a unique approach, which both inspires other women to embrace themselves and their sexuality, and provokes us all to wake up to our fullest most authentic life.

Our new partnership is a gift, as her fresh perspective adds a new dimension to my own work of merging healthy passionate sexuality with meaningful emotional intimacy. August’s invitation to sexually empower the good girls is an invitation for all of us… As she says, “Embracing our sexuality and capacity for pleasure means respecting our bodies, living more fully and embracing ourselves.”

Get to know August and her intriguing, provocative content.

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Reuniting Leaving and Left

Monday, December 1st, 2014

traintracksresized“Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can’t ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment’s notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow - that’s vulnerability.” -Brene Brown

 

At the end of almost all relationships there are two roles, the one who is leaving and the one who is left. Optimally, yet I think more rarely, both people in a relationship are ready to move on and the leaving is mutual. I have noticed in my own life that for me, endings are almost always about being left. I don’t think I am unusual in finding myself habitually in the same role pattern. People who leave others tend to be the ones who leave. People who are left tend to be the ones who hang on. Each role is steeped in both our conscious values and unconscious adaptive emotional patterns.

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The Most Grateful Moments

Monday, November 24th, 2014

IMG_2311resized“System reset. That is what grateful sex does. Every nerve fiber is soothed; the connections between heart, mind and body are restored, balanced.”  -Wendy Strgar

Think about the last time you felt profoundly grateful. Try and remember how it felt in your body the last time you were fully aware of how good life can be and notice how engaged your were by your senses, whether it was in the extraordinary taste of favorite foods, the scent of seasons changing in the early morning, the way great music lingers and changes your physiology, or the way colors capture your imagination. Turning the practice of gratitude into a felt sense is as simple as bringing our full attention to our sensory capacity. Learning to recognize gratitude on the physical plane and conjure up these moments as a visceral response gives you access to more joy and pleasure in the every day.

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Why Submission Works

Monday, November 17th, 2014

sexycouple3resized“Submission was such a nice mini-vacation, in that respect, a pleasure cruise through sex with heightened senses and emotions, and no thought to the outside world.” -Abigail Barnette

It is not surprising that submission and domination themes are among the most common personal fantasy content, or that a huge percentage of pornography depicts issues of power in relationships. This same dynamic is at play during illicit affairs- the thrill of being overcome by our sexual desire allows us to engage in sexual play that goes beyond our imagination. It feels natural to do the most outrageous sex acts when we give up our control. Ironically, this need to be out of control sexually in order to get lost in our own erotic passions prevents many couples from scheduling lovemaking time. The very idea that they could “plan” to lose control sexually is the obstacle that prevents them from discovering how easy it is to engage with submissive fantasies any time.

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Befriending Demons, Ghosts and Death

Friday, October 31st, 2014

moonresizedIt was the Celtic civilization that first celebrated the magical time of year that is Halloween. They considered this time, the Samhain, as the most significant turning point of the year, when things change most deeply, when connections to the dead open up… The souls that have gone through the ultimate turning from life to death. They believed that this was the time of year that the world of the living and the world of the dead were closest and that the spirits and ghosts of the dead travelled amongst the living. This conception of the closing gap between life and death in still widely celebrated in the Mexican Dia de los Muertos and even in the Christian All Saints Day. Taking this opportunity to celebrate the dead among us, to acknowledge the ghosts that remain behind and to befriend the demons that we embody are powerful and redemptive acts of love, both for the living and the dead, as what remains in hidden steals immense power from our living intentions.

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