Archive for the 'Fire' Category

Playful Presence

Friday, February 10th, 2012

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” -George Bernard Shaw

 

Most of us take ourselves way too seriously, especially when it comes to our relationships. The more our heart is bared and the deeper we grow in our commitments, the more we have riding on the outcome. Ironically, instead of helping us to lighten up, our most intimate relationships often push us in the opposite direction of re-thinking every comment and misinterpreting unintended meanings. This is the slippery slope that too many intimate relationships often slide down, often without seeing the downward spiral until they hit bottom. At this point, no one is having fun anymore. Intentionally adding playfulness and laughter to your partnership is such a seemingly simple fix that most people doubt its efficacy.

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Reigniting Romance with Attention

Friday, February 3rd, 2012

“The highest ecstasy is the attention at its fullest.”  -Simone Weil

 

The day after Valentine’s Day is one of the biggest days of the year for Ashley Madison.  Disappointment and frustration over all the ways that one feels neglected and misunderstood crystallize on this holiday of love; for many, it is the breaking point. Avoiding this critical juncture in your relationship is rarely about finding the right card or gift on Valentine’s Day.  The attention and emotional connection that is lacking in a relationship happens over time, eating away at the confidence and trust we build in each other over time. Even well-meaning gifts can feel shallow, and ironically, often exacerbate the distance and unspoken conflict. It isn’t really the gifts that do this, it is the longing for intimate connection that has to find a voice.

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The Deepest Healing of All

Friday, December 23rd, 2011

“Sex lies at the root of life, and we can never learn reverence for life until we know how to understand sex.”  -Henry Ellis

Sex scandals are us.  The news is replete with what seems an endless account of seemingly good people whose sexuality has literally transformed them into a criminal. The stories of childhood sexual abuse are deeply troubling and extend into the millions when you consider the many youths sold into the global sex trade. Yet, stories of coaches and kids in locker rooms hit an even deeper nerve because they make us question, at the deepest level, our own sexual urges. We are all caught in the conundrum of longing to experience our sexual depths, while simultaneously being terrified of whether our fantasies are normal or worse still, make us dangerous.

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Intimate Gratitude

Wednesday, November 23rd, 2011

“Sex is more than an act of pleasure, it’s the ability to be able to feel so close to a person, so connected, so comfortable that it’s almost breathtaking to the point you feel you can’t take it. And at this moment you’re a part of them.” -Unknown

 

There is not another single human act that so fully embodies gratitude at its peak as the moments of profound lovemaking. This is where we know most deeply the sensation of gratitude, which at its best, is not a thought, but rather a visceral response. Like joy, gratitude is a creative burst of energy that springs from us, with a single purpose, to do good in the world. As we embody this profound change agent of connectivity, gratitude cracks our heart wide open and fills us up. We are loved. We are able to love. Dare to express this intense gratitude within the confines of your bedroom the next time it is flowing with your partner and be prepared for the most gratifying sex of your life.

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The Transcendent Orgasm

Friday, October 28th, 2011

“Pleasure is the object, duty and the goal of all rational creatures.”  -Voltaire

 

Orgasm transforms our physical bodies into a vessel of energy. Our cellular physical boundaries fade as our bodies become the vehicle that transports us into experiences that connect us to universal energy, our spiritual source. Studies have confirmed that as many as one in twenty individuals experience a transcendent experience in orgasm. The range of experiences cited were unique and included a shift of space and time, including a sense of timelessness and vast emptiness,  a sense of electric light-filled bodies, and a transformation of self and other converging in intersecting paths of spirit and sexuality.

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Orgasmic Maturity

Friday, October 21st, 2011

“The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been.”  –Madeleine L’Engle

 

Growing up your orgasmic potential is where the meaning of maturity gets really interesting. Befriending and relating to our erotic selves is a lifelong process that expands our relationship to pleasure and matures our access to and experience of orgasm. Like millions of other women, I learned from Betty Dodson  who was the first to describe the variety of orgasmic experiences that occur throughout our lifetime. Her groundbreaking work: Orgasms for Two, based on over thirty years of teaching, remains a classic guide for how orgasmic experience shapes us throughout our lives.

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Cultivating Arousal

Friday, October 14th, 2011

“Orgasm is what happens when the body takes over.” -Betty Dodson

Our orgasmic potential begins with our capacity and curiosity to explore our arousal mechanism. Recent studies have actually demonstrated that working with your physical arousal response can actually instigate sexual desire, rather than the reverse of waiting for desire to jumpstart arousal. This is heartening news because tapping into and enlarging our capacity for arousal is no different than developing any other physical response. Our trained attention and willingness to practice ensures development.

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Cultivating an Orgasmic Life

Friday, October 7th, 2011

“The pleasure of living and the pleasure of the orgasm are identical. Extreme orgasm anxiety forms the basis of the general fear of life.” -Wilhelm Reich

Orgasm is the most intimate human expression of life force available to us, and whether you are among the lucky ones who know it as the physical height of your erotic experience or are among the many who are looking for the gate in, it is a currency that affects us all. The term “orgasm” is derived from the Greek word orga, which means explosion. Not surprisingly, most people describe their orgasm within this metaphor- as a burst of pleasure, bliss, emotional and/or physical release.

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Conditioning Your Lovemaking Response

Friday, September 23rd, 2011

Relationship Bootcamp Week Four

“There is no other physical act at our disposal that carries the physical, emotional and spiritual benefits of making love, especially with someone you love.” -Unknown

 

No one really understands sex, but if you are lucky, you get to spend years coming to grips with your erotic self and learning how to share and enhance the pleasure it brings. A good way to approach the topic is to think of our sexuality as an emergent rather than objective reality. That means we are willing to come to understand our sexuality and its meaning moment by moment, re-inventing it anew each and every time we are sexual. This is also helpful when we face fears of the unpredictable nature of the act itself. There is always the potential to be overwhelmed by the intensity of feelings that accompany it.

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Insuring Your Desire

Friday, August 19th, 2011

“Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” – Dr Seuss

 

Sexual desire issues are an integral part of long-term relationships. In the twenty-six years of my own marriage I have visited all sides of the desire fence .Whether it was wanting intimacy more than my partner and not feeling wanted by my partner or not wanting my partner or intimacy at all, each machination was painful and created ripples of injury throughout our entire relationship. The potential for rejection got to be so painful that not asking at all became the discomfort zone we lived in. At the time, I didn’t understand all the meaning that I attributed to our desire issues, I only knew the shame and dwindling self worth that felt suffocating each time we broached the topic.

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