My parent’s marriage ended when my mother told my father she didn’t love him anymore and that she was not sure she ever did. Years later, after all of the ugliness of the divorce was done, something at my father’s core was never the same again. His belief in love was soured and distilled into an experience of abandonment that morphed to fit every ending that followed. Over the years of my loveology practice, I have heard many versions of this traumatic end-of-love story and have witnessed the wreckage of families and lives left in its wake. I know how the residual shame turns to suffering and sticks in us as an abandoned child long after the end of love. These stories have always left me wondering where does the love go? How does love end up disappearing from a heart so completely that you can’t be sure it ever existed at all? Is it really possible to lose your capacity to feel the love you have lived and shared? Read the rest of this entry »
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I am still thinking about the premature death of Steve Jobs. Last night I watched the commencement address he gave to Stanford graduates in 2005. He said that every day he asked himself: “If this were my last day, is this what I would be doing?” This was a real thought for him at the time; because he had just been given what he thought at the time was a free pass from his first cancer diagnosis.
The heart of his message was about figuring out how to love your life. Finding what you love to do and letting it lead you in both the occupations you take on and the personal relationships that fill your life is the soundest advice you can live by. It is the single thing that all deeply accomplished people share, that their legacies and their contributions were driven by what they love.