Good Clean Love is undergoing a transformation whose appearance often catches me off guard. Although I envisioned it and continuously asked for it, I realize now that I had very little clarity about how my small business would grow into a big business. The sacrifices I would have to make for this to happen never really entered my mind.
I am not alone in this. Most of us walk forward into a future of which we see only a small portion and then are shocked, disappointed, or reluctant about the changes that the dreams exact. In quite the same way that selective memory alters our past, our limited ideas of our future often set us up to struggle with plans we make enthusiastically. You see this on people’s faces on vacation sometimes; they planned and planned for a trip that ends up resembling only a fraction of their ideas.
In truth, a great deal of my aspirations for my business and myself have been made manifest. There are a great many people smarter than me now invested in the success of my dream. Some of them even have more consistent enthusiasm than I have been able to muster for quite a while. The new leadership of the company sees the potential, are asking all the right questions and are judiciously looking for the best answers.
I have more space to breathe and reflect than I have had in many years. I have room for the first time to slow down and develop a new practice of doing only one thing at a time. I have less day to day stress and I am able to care for myself. I feel free in a way that has eluded me for years. This is my experience away from the office. However, when I am at the office in the midst of the dramatic change, the price for the freedom feels steep. Letting go of the past is much more challenging standing in its midst.
Details derail the process and instead of sharing the enthusiasm of the new directions being taken, I get entwined in the loss. Often I am confused in the space and can’t quite set my own direction. I didn’t realize until today that the message I send from this space has no enthusiasm in it at all. It isn’t celebrating any of the effort of the people whose time and effort has given me the freedom and space I so longed for.
I know that it has been my enthusiasm about Good Clean Love that brought me to this point, and realize that in order for it to fulfill it’s destiny, it needs continued inspiration. The positive place is the one that holds the price of freedom, the possibility of potential is worthy of what is lost. I need to take my direction from Charles Schwab who said: “I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among men the greatest asset I possess. The way to develop the best that is in a man is by appreciation and encouragement.” Duly noted.